If you are a reader of this blog for the past 6 years it's been around, you know that I am a big Ole fan of these High Holy Days.
Rosh Hashana to us is the
Jewish New Year, a time in which we need to focus on why
our lives matter, as an urgent wake-up call to our responsibility to
live a life filled with meaning and purpose. Love how that is put, brought to you by aish.com
For me it really is a time to take stock. To look at the life I lived the past year, to make promises to myself of change. Usually they are very personal things that I would like to work on in my day to day as to evolve into a better person. But this year I am going to stop the critical look, and instead give myself a wonderful gaze. I am going to respect and congratulate myself on the things I have done the last year to keep my family happy and healthy. To keep relationships going with folks that have done wrong in my eyes. I have forgave and have kept things moving forward. I have been gracious in moving my family to an unfamiliar area to try to better someone elses experience. I think I have been a pretty good Jew this past year is where I am going with this, not perfect of course...... But a pretty good dang Jew. For this year I am going to make a few adaptions to my promises. I want this year to be a year when I pull my head out and truly evolve for me. Which is something I haven't done in about 9 years. My life as been based on making my partner happy, my children happy and trying to be a good citizen to the world with volunteering for causes that help the environment and movements of empathy and kindness. All the while trying to be a fun happy spirit for my friends and family. To be FRANK, I'm exhausted.
Here are my new promises to myself:
Check my motives means to me to really think, why before acting. Are my reasons to appear a certain way to others, or to make my heart feel good. To remember to have the right intentions in all acts.
Watch my attitude is it positive, is what I am saying or feeling uplifting to others or myself. Staying positive is very hard for me as I am literally on the inside a little Larry David pessimistic jerky Jew by nature. I am dark on the inside y'all, but fight to be bright. I think the worst first alllllllways. But it is my promise to myself to hope for the best first, and not assume to know the outcome of things. Keeping words that leave my mouth uplifting in regards to myself and others.
Act with love to me meaning let go of conflict and lead with empathy (something I feel I do, but I do still harbor feelings that aren't love). Don't change my demeanor to the audience. Choose love. A promise to not be the reason for conflict (which I am not usually) and to not get involved with other peoples conflicts (K I do do this ;), the Yenta in me likes having the info. I just moving forward don't want to have a opinion about other people's problems. At the end of the Day this one means to me STOP TALKING lol! ;) Just listen. If I don't have a comment that comes from a place of LOVE, don't comment.
Be grateful this resonated with me a great deal this past weekend. My just turned 3 year old, ya know the one I talk about a lot who is a really hard kid. Well Said kid had a really hard time the day I was supposed to start teaching Sunday school at my Synagogue. Meaning I was in for it, and I was. She was not listening, crying, screaming, not sharing, and wouldn't get off my lap. Ya know just being Miss Orli Bloom ;) But dealing with that while trying to teach the under 5yr old class is something that will wear on even the Zen-ist persons nerves. I left in haste just dying to get home where she would not make me have anxiety. We concluded our day and all I did was analyze her and why she is so much harder then her sisters, was it my parenting. Am I too relaxed with her, is she not learning manners. I just had such a pit in my stomach because I feel that she requires so much more from me physically and emotionally, and I was analyzing what the heck I did wrong with this one. That same night I was on my Nephew's COTA site http://cotaforjacej.com/(sorry got to plug it where I can) making some uploads, some may not know that my nephew has been on a long scary journey to better health. I immediately changed my perspective from the day. This little girl although very hard is healthy, we are so fortunate to have these strong willed healthy children. I should have gratitude for her in my heart, not anxiety over her just being a probably normal 3 year old. The fact that she is healthy is everything, and I should never take for granted our health and our blessings. It just made me stop, breathe and have a grateful heart. I am finding I am doing this first instead of resorting to frustration. I am promising to be grateful for everything, and expect nothing... Then it's a big ole happy surprise when things go well!
Forgive to truly forgive is such a hard thing to do. It is hard for me mostly because when you have forgiven it is expected of you that things go back to the way they were. But what if you just can't. I am finding I now in my older age can't go back to how it was. I can't just treat a person normal that has hurt me so bad. What does that do for the other person? They then think that it is okay, they think "I know that this person will forgive me, she's done it before and she'll do it again", making the incentive to be better non existent. This one is so hard. I feel that I do forgive, but I don't feel it should be expected of me to be my normal happy go lucky self after. I think that a person should re earn trust and your affections. I think that it is not fair to make a person feel bad for having a wall up when they have been hurt so often time and time again. This one is something I have to chew on a little. And I hope that if I work on it this next year I will have figured out the answer for it.
Here are the charities and causes that I have been interested in as of lately. Have to pass these on so that for those that are good on the inside and want to help this next year with more pressing issues take a look at these great things to get involved with.
The charity organization "Karmey Chesed" was established about 12 years
ago in response to growing number of families facing financial distress
in Israel. Karmey Chesed helps by providing food, electrical
appliances, furniture and other necessities to people in need.
Recipients include families facing financial crisis, families of IDF
soldiers from low income brackets, soldiers who come to Israel to serve
in the IDF without family in Israel.
For the past 55 years, Lev Lalev Orphanage and Children’s Home located
in Netanya, Israel has provided orphaned and disadvantaged girls from
all over Israel with a safe, warm, and loving Home.
Girls Not Brides is a global partnership of more than 800 civil
society organizations committed to ending child marriage and enabling
girls to fulfill their potential.
On a lighter note, I will try like the dickens to post my Keto Honey Apple Cake recipe up before The Holiday starts. And see you when the Holy Days are over as we usually stay away from Tech until after our time of observance.
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